Published in South Africa - Social interactions and entertainment - 26 Mar 2025 08:25 - 1
South African Sentinel
"The Only News Source That Still Pretends We Matter"
"The Only News Source That Still Pretends We Matter"
By S Frost, Professional Masochist
Let's be real: eSouth Africa is a joke. Our treasury was looted faster than a supermarket during load-shedding. Our "population" consists of five people who probably forgot this game exists. And yet here I am - asking you to elect me as your president. Why? because someone has to be the clown at this circus, and I've already got the shoes.
My Campaign Promises (because why not):
- State Sponsored Copium - Free virtual hugs for every citizen (disclaimer: citizens not included).
- A National Anthem You Can Actually Hear - "Silence (feat. Crickets)" now streaming on all platforms.
- Aggressive Foreign Policy - We will not be declaring war on anyone (we checked, and it turns out you need soldiers for that).
Why Vote for Me?
- I have nothing to lose - Unlike previous leaders, I can't loot the treasury (it's already gone!).
- Low expectations - If I get one active player, that's a 20% growth rate. Nobel Prize, please.
- I'll actually show up - Which, tragically makes me the most qualified candidate.
The Opposition?
Good question! There isn't any. Our last president resigned to pursue a career in not playing this game. Our only other actual candidate is an actual tumbleweed.
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Comments (1)
Good luck and keep fighting